Edgar Balthazar: Your favorite dishprepared a very special way. Hold on, Kyle. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Not bad,eh, Frou-Frou old girl? And your music is so--so different,so exciting. I'm still tryin'to get to SHORE! And that was my vacation. Pretty soon, all of them are completely naked including the dog, who takes his leash off.. WebThe Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. Born in April of 1811, he was the This is a family who are raping their own children, and performing bestiality! [to Roquefort] Strike one. They get the baby halfway in so that just his legs are sticking out all kicking and flailing around, and the son takes the mother's shit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his cock in the baby's asshole and fucks it while it's still inside the mother, until he cums all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter. Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents an all-new animated motion picture event. Hop aboard the motorcycle. Duchess Oh, how nice. O'Malley:[offscreen]That was justa lucky break for me, baby. Abigail: You know, deary, your husband is very charmingand very handsome. [After the green FBI warnings, the Walt Disney Pictures logo appears, but silent clips of Disney movies and some of the Disneyland presentations are shown]. Duchess: Good evening,Monsieur Roquefort. It's a totally different show. But, knows where what's at? Amelia: And don't worry about form, sir. That's four times twelve. Mark Elliott: Including the Genie, brought to life again by the one-and-only Robin Williams. O'Malley: What I had in mind wasa kind of a sports model, baby. Good. Aristocats are never found in alley Girls. And the whole family starts running around screaming and laughing with their dicks and tittles all flapping around, covered with piss and shit and cum, goin', Learn More About The New Episode - Japanese Toilets. Toulouse: I was havinga funny dream. And aristocatic flair in whatthey do and what they say. [Grunting]Lafayette! Georges Hautecourt: [Chuckling]Don't panic, Edgar. Oh. Kittens! It will come later. Clickety-clickety-clickety. Mac:[offscreen]Yup, and she goesall the way to Timbuktu. Answer me please. John Leader: He created a motion picture based on a story that held a special place in his heart. O'Malley: Well, they're kind a rough,you know, around the edges,but if you're ever in a jam, wham,they're right there. "Slip of the hand, dreamland.". So the talent agent says, "All right, you've got two minutes." Amelia: No! Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Mark Elliott: Coming this summer from Walt Disney Pictures. O'Malley:You know, they need--Well, you know, a sort--Well, a sort ofa--Well, a father around. Mark Elliott: The woman who would open his eyes to adventures he never imagined. Frollo: [To Phoebus, unimpressed] Look at that disgusting display. The family jumps. See what happens to Hitler's dick. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. Mark Elliott: "Toy Story". I guess youcan't win 'em all. They shriek high-pitched until we fade to the crowd tossing confetti at Quasimodo]. There'sa surprise for you. I think it's wrong I've done a lot of PSA's do NOT f*** your family. A family walks in to a talent agency. And don't worry. That's onlya little frog, my love. Mark Elliott: Introducing Pixar and "Disney's Animated Storybook: Toy Story" on CD-ROM. We must both lookour best for Georges when he gets here. Duchess: [Laughing]Bravo! The cat cowers against the wall, shaking in fear. Right off your cuff. Laverne: Nobody wants to stay cooped up here forever. They're Oxford shoes. You should pronounce my name correctly. Duchess:[offscreen]Berlioz, shh! Stupid cat! Robin Williams: It's a kindler, gentler genie! South Park - The Aristocrats Joke. O'Malley: Duchess. Get those twoweb-footed life guards outta here, okay?! [ Laughing ], Napoleon: You're not gonna believe this, man,but it's. Both of you, go ahead. It's a totally different show. "Moe, Larry, the cheese!" They've got a paper route, they go to school and then you f*** 'em. Someday they're all goingto be yours, you sly old fox. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3" features five brand-new songs and reunites all your favorite characters from "Aladdin". [Clears Throat,Muttering]Aha. Billy Boss: Ha-ha! [Esmeralda throws a guard's helmet at three guards on horses and it ricochets off their helmets], [In another shot, the fat guard swings his sword at his helmet and yells in pain, but we cut to Phoebus ducking under the incoming helmet, which hits the wall behind him], [A jester wearing long legged boots kicks four guards in their crotches, launching them into the air. He hit me on the head. The Aristocats! Watch your mouth. Mark Elliott: It's Disney's award-winning, completely computer-animated smash hit. [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. Abigail: He takes to waterlike a fish, doesn't he? Which pets know bestall the gentle social graces? Look out for Edgar! I say, that's not at all bad. Just back away from me. I've had all the help I can take. [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[Humming]. Amelia: Sir. Edgar Balthazar: Careful, sir. Amelia: Oh, yes, I thinkwe'd better be going. That's good. It falls over, shrieking. All aboard! Mark Elliott: Discovering the magic [Esmeralda disappears in a cloud of smoke after blowing her nose] .within himself. You knowthe kids are bushed. Send us a tip using our anonymous form. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the aristocrats. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. Mark Elliott: The third and final chapter of the emotional trilogy. (oc) the agent says, holy fuck, not you asshats again. Remember when I took you to Sea World? How did they develop this act! And I'm not a man either. He rips off his wife's bra. Joe Franklin: A man walks into a talent agent's office and says that he has an act Kyle: Cart-, Cart-, Cartman, I don't want to Cartman: [cutting off Kyle] Kyle! We meanfar more to her than that. The Aristocrats Sketch He's nothing but a cad. Lafayette [offscreen]I got him, I got him, I got him! All Rights reserved. The Aristocats! Roquefort: Don't come in! Napoleon: They're black--How would I know that? A proper joke seldom fits the format and atmosphere of stand-up comedy, and jokes end as soon as the audience knows the punchline. [Laughing]You're making it very difficult. [winks]Right off the cuff, yeah. ", George Carlin: The joke leads me down one path and then it switches the path on me suddenly and hits me with a hammer. Berlioz: Andyou said we're gonnaride on your magic carpet. Come on, guys. O'Malley: So I got a few to spare. Amelia: You will never learn to swim properlywith that willow branch in your mouth. You've just rescued Thomas, right? Duchess: Now, now, darlings. Then he rips off her underwear and he takes some of her pubes with it. But now we have tocook up a little spell. And the talent agent says, "Sorry, we don't sign family acts. Hugo: Way to go, lover boy! [baby begins to cry] Yeah I didn't like it that much myself. Chorus: [sings] Winnie the Pooh. O'Malley:[offscreen]Hey, cool it, you little tiger. Cats:Everybody, everybodyEverybody wantsto be a cat, Berlioz: [ Sighing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat, Marie: Because a cat'sthe only catWho knowswhere it's at. Come on. It's "Roquefort". Who do you want me to sue, eh? Go on! Lafayette:How come you always grabthe tender part for yourself, man? Then the father gets up and says, "And now for our impersonation of the victims of 9/11." Hugo, Victor and Laverne: [singing] A guy like you! Georges Hautecourt: [voice] To your cats? And poor Madamedidn't sleep a wink either. Lafayette:Oh, but Napoleon, we done bitsix tires today. Anything could happento them on a night like this weather! And the agent's like, "What do you do?" Napoleon: What was that? It's just, "Here we go folks.". [Hiccupping]Look. It says here. And so, you see,we can't leave her alone. Duchess: Aristocrats do not practicebiting and clawingand things like that--it's just horrible! And then the guy goes, "The Aristocrats." Kittens! Clopin: [sings] Here it is, the moment you've been waiting for. O'Malley: Now look, kids. Mm. WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. Look at this! Why? (onscreen)Five! Aladdin: [singing] I'm eventually getting married! [ Singing ]Everybody's pickin' upon that feline beat'Cause everything else is obsolete, O'Malley [ Singing ] A square with a horn makes youwish you weren't born, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Every time he plays, O'Malley: [ Singing ] But with a squarein the actYou can setmusic back, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]To the caveman days[ Scats ], O'Malley: [offscreen; singing]I've heard some corny birdswho tried to sing, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Still the cat's the only catwho knows how to swing, Billy Boss: [ With Russian Accent ]Who wants to dig a long-hairedgig and stufflike that, O'Malley and Scat Cat: [ Singing ]When everybody wants to be a catA square with a horn makes youwish you weren't bornEvery time he plays, O'Malley: [ Singing ] Oh, a-rinky tinky dinky, O'Malley and Scat Cat: [ Singing ]With a square in the actyou can set music backTo the caveman days, Marie: [ Singing ] Oh, a-rinky dinky tinky, Trio: [ Singing ]Yes, everybody wants to be a catEverybody wants to be a catBecause a cat's the only cat, who knows where it's atWhen playin' jazzhe always has a welcome mat'Cause everybodydigs a swingin' cat. I'll get flat feet. Abigail: Oh, indeed, yes, sis. They showaristocatic bearing. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: I've asked you to come hereona very importantlegal matter. [offscreen]Berlioz, here we are. I'll be right back, y'all. Napoleon: Wha-Wha--What's goin' on? Now what's the hang-up,your ladyship? [onscreen]Down underneath here. Let's getout of here. I'll bet you're a real tigerin your neighborhood. Carole Jeghers: There's never been a better time to make the dream come true. The 200 Greatest Singers of All Time Napoleon:I got a feelin' this caseis gonna bust wide open. Quick, kittens! Lafayette:Okay,man, let's charge. Choo-choo-choo-choo,choo-choo-choo-choo. Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]That bird cage? Ooh. Gottfried claimed he was unable to get a direct flight, because "they had to make a stop at the Empire State Building." The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. Which pets are blessed withthe fairest forms and faces? Berlioz:Hooray, we're home! It received publicity when it was used by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner in September 2001. https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_144090, https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_quotes_144090. Marie: Thank you, Mr. O'Malley,for saving my life. Lafayette: Napoleon, I'm plumbgoose-pimply scared! Edgar Balthazar: Oh, please, sir, justhold on! Copyright 2023 Penske Business Media, LLC. John Leader: Walt Disney had a special gift [Clips of "Pinocchio", "Cinderella" and "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" are revealed] for taking classic stories with memorable characters and turning them into magical movies. Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Oops! Madame isexpecting you, sir. [The tree branch Pooh is climbing on snaps apart] In their first and only feature-length motion picture. As I'm singing, "What'll I Have That I Don't Mario Cantone: Where'd that note go? Frou-Frou: I know. When they're seenupon an airing. Amelia: What beautiful countryside,Abigail. Thank goodness you're safe! I'm outta here! Berlioz:We were just practicingbiting and clawing. Duchess: [Laughing]Oh, darling. Aristocats[ Singing ln French ]. The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and impressions of the victims of 9/11. [offscreen] Now stop beatin'your gums and sound the attack! Don't be frightened. "Saranora," and allthose goodbye things, baby. It probes the darkest, sickest places of the [Screen fades to reveal more clips] Aladdin and Jasmine's dreams are eventually coming true. Frou-Frou: [ Chuckles ]You're quite welcome, young man. [Smacking Lips]Delicious! Oh, that's thatfamous restaurant. Amelia: Yes, that's a question. Right. Milkman:Sapristi! The father says to the talent agent, "Sir, our family has an amazing act. Huh? Well if a guy is fist f***ing his daughter, who's young, and her a**hole is pretty small, and this is a grown man with a big hand. Cassim: You don't stand a chance against the King of Thieves. 0. Sam:[offscreen]Well, Mac, this must be the trunk, eh? 0:55. [Gasping][Laughing] It's only a tree. And the talent agent says, What do you call yourselves? And the father sticks his chest out and goes, The Aristocrats. Then the father and son take the baby and start stuffing it head-first back into the mother's vagina, while the daughter's piss rains down on all of them. Away! Another cat slides a hook under the harness. Jon Stewart: Just the other day I was eating my own sh*t. Jon Ross: And then, the denouement the butt f***ing. Berlioz [offscreen] I wish we were homewith Madame right now. We're gonnafly after all! [Hissing]. The zygote goes through a process of becoming an. How could I forget him? WebThe Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents it's all-new 37th animated motion picture. The husband, he plays chess with Timmy - and then the maid comes in with strawberries and whipped cream, and they all eat a nice dessert. Edgar Balthazar: [Shoes Squeaking] If I were those mongrels, where would I find my stuff? It's a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. Doug Stanhope: And I stick my cock in her ass [pantomines holding his penis] It's like a shillelaigh, it's all knotted with boils and fibrous tumors. Amelia: And he's going about itall the wrong way. Le Petit Caf Chef: Sacrebleu! He tears himself free and forces the door open and falls over backwards. [offscreen]Toulouse? He's our oldest anddearest friend, you know. Duchess: Why, Mr. O'Malley,you could have lost your life. Swimming, some of the way. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Thank you, Edgar. [ Sighing ]Gee, I'm gonna miss them too. Andy Richter: The brother comes out. Abigail: [offscreen]Fancy that, a cat learning how to swim. Duchess:[ Laughing ]They could hardly keep their eyes open. O'Malley: No, no. Like he wants to know, like the name's the important thing! [offscreen]You believe me,don't you? Now I'll never get my hat Plan B. Napoleon: Ooh, whoo, heh. Abigail: Silly you! Abigail: And look at his crooked smile. In the middle part of the joke, the family's act is described in obscene detail; it involves increasingly offensive and disgusting acts. And the agent says, "Well, what do you call them?" Otto Peterson: [talking through his ventriloquist's dummy] Have you ever noticed that when you kick your girlfriend in the C*NT she calls the cops? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:My home for allthe alley cats of Paris. Where's my hat? Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good day, sir. So if you would be just so kind. Marie: But, mama, do wehave sparklingsapphire eyes that dazzle too? It's like Curly in the Stooges. The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Amelia: And by the way, when we get to Paris,you must meet Uncle Waldo. Robbers! Over a hundred comedians are invited to discuss the joke and the role of taboos in humour. The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. Come on. While Madame and Georges are asleep. Toulouse: Get her, Berlioz! We just have togo home tomorrow. The kid starts spinning around in a circle cause he can't control it. For a walking tourof France. Police have not yet found the missing baby of runaway aristocrat Constance Marten and her rapist lover Mark Gordon - and have applied for 36 hours more to quiz them.. Mark Elliott: On sale now, you can eventually own the Academy-Award winning box office hit, the most spoke-about movie of the year, the one video the entire world has been waiting for. Carrie Fisher: My mother was a golden shower queen. The scene is stomach-churning, and thats the point. Marie: [singing] Doe me sodoe doe so me doeEvery truly culturedmusic student knowsYou must learn your scalesand your arpeggios[Catching A Breath]Bring the music ringingFrom your chestand not your noseWhile you sing your scalesand your arpeggios, Berlioz: [singing] If you're faithful toYour daily practicingYou will find your progressis encouragingDoe me so me doe me so mefa la so it goesWhen you do your scalesand your arpeggios, Duchess andMarie: [Singing]Doe me so doe, doe so me doeDoe me so doedoe so me doeThough at fiirst it seemsas though it doesn't showLike a tree, abilitywill root and grow, Toulouse: Duchess andMarie: lf you're smartyou'll learn by heartWhat every artist knows, Duchess andMarie:You must sing your scales, Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good evening,my little ones. Roquefort:Don't worry about me! 4:39. Beau Weaver: And here's what's new from Disney Interactive. Ho, ho, ho! That's 'causeI practice all the time. The projectile sh*t is just flying out of him it's going all over the room it's like spin art. We're just a pairof sentimental old fools. O'Malley: Three? Genghis Kahn, for god sakes. Whoo-whoo! Children, where are you? WhyEdgar? Andy Richter: And the man says "The Aristocrats" [long pause] and did I mention that two of the men are probably Jews? Buzz Lightyear: Hey! Where did the blood come from? Lafayette: Oh, shucks, Napoleon. Two-cylinder, chain drive. Oh. I almost fell. [ Spitting ]. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, indeed I do. Hey! Amelia: Now listen to this, I am Amelia Gabble,and this is my sister--. All thoselittle kittens of yours, Duchess. For those who are new and are wondering about why this was necessary, read the shift in editing starting March 1st blog. A family walks in to a talent. Now, run along downstairs. They're gone! Good evening, Duchess. No, it's less than that. The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. Aristocrats Joke Text. Winnie the Pooh! It's warmand, mm-mm, cozy. Why didnt he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants and saying, This is totally wrong. Which pets get to sleepon velvet mats? Marie: Oh noI wouldn'ttake up much room. The horse hits Edgar with her back legs and he flies into the trunk. Brainless lunatic! Waldo's our uncle. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. Right? Look, pal, [offscreen]you go get Scat Catand his gang of alley cats. I only wish that l--. O'Malley: No trouble at all,little princess. Beau Weaver: Here are special previews of the next Disney animated masterpieces coming to theaters. [ Laughing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat. Breakfast, a la carte. How are you doing that? And those eyes of yours. You don't suppose--. This family, mother, father, four kids. O'Malley:Okay. [The workers take the trunk and drive away. IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." Bob Saget: There's my friend Paul and right now I'm looking at his dinger. [ Hiccups ]. Alright? O'Malley:Boy, your eyesare like sapphires. [ Grunting ]Go away! Napoleon: Wait a minute. Duchess: Another flight intothe fantasy, Monsieur O'Malley? Don't worry. Duchess: So, why won't you join us,Monsieur Roquefort? I am really in a great deal of trouble. Georges Hautecourt: Let go of my cane, man! Lafayette: Oh, I get blamedfor everything. Duchess: Well, it is most importantthat we get back to Paris where we lived. "Oh, we're N*gger C*nts. Lafayette: Oh, cricket bugsdon't wear shoes, man. Uhoh, yes. Let's see. The entire joke was a lampoon of the wealthy elite. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Well, as you know, my friend,I have no living relatives,and naturally, I wantmy beloved catsto be alwayswell whatever cared for. Poppycock, man! Frou-Frou: Oh, Roquefort, I've beenso worried about you. O'Malley: "Swingers." Although the talent agent initially brushes them off as too 'cutesy', he is eventually persuaded to allow them to show him their act. And this time, ha,you'll never come back. Lafayette: He's back on the moter-thingy. [ Chuckling ]. Gilbert Gottfried: And then the talent agent says, "That's awful. Uncle Waldo: Why,I say there, now. Duchess: Now, Marie, darling,don't be frightened. Georges Hautecourt: Wha--? Very poetic. O'Malley pushes the pitchfork off with his hind feet, freeing himself. Buzz Lightyear: To infinity. [offscreen]They're gone. Its release marks the completion and end of something, or perhaps several things, though what, exactly, is difficult to determine or Where did these people find employment! I thought he'd never leave! Right? All right. Berlioz: Hey, do you really havea magic carpet, Monsieur O'Malleysir? Napoleon: Ow, that's me! But first, introductions. "Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar" took you beyond imagination. Magic carpetit's gonna be. Napoleon: I'm the leader. We British liketo keep things proper. The Aristocrats is a fascinating essay on the nature of stand-up. Hugo: [Spits the straw and feathers out of its mouth] Man! Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves"! Amelia: Abigail, we were bornwith flat feet. This joke may contain profanity. Marie: Goody. That was very nice of you. I never would have guessed. Roquefort:Hey, wait for me! Pat Cooper: My grandmother, on the stage, has an abortion! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, my goodness, Edgar. The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. Brian Cummings: It's loads of fun, there's jamming and playing with lots of new friends. 17 Genie Chorus: [singing] They're eventually getting married at the festivalof Agrabaahhhh!!!! [Whispering]Can you keep a secret? Now don't be frightened. I'm tryin'to get to shore. The alley cats attack Edgar], [Roquefort spins the lock and it opens. Scat Cat: [ Chuckling ] Say! "And basted in[ Sniffles ]white wine." Please,you must stop that. I was asleep a winkall day. It relates the story of a family trying to [Genie Jafar throws a fireball at the screen, and the screen fades from white, revealing the "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves" logo] "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves". Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]Come on, Edgar. Sounds like Scat Cat andhis gang have dropped by. Come on. Naturellement! Because no one is gonna book this show! Toulouse:[offscreen]I told ya it was Edgar. [offscreen] Lafayette,what in tarnation you trying to do!? Alright? Oh, that must be him! Toulouse: Yeah. Thieves: [singing] Scheming up a scam, out on a limb. Now don't panic. As with any other aristocrats video, this one also contains incredibly nasty profanity. Scat Cat: Well, Marie my little lady,let me elucidate here. Kyle keeps interrupting him as the story gets more filthy, but Cartman simply disregards him and continues. It relates the story of a family trying to get an agent to book their stage act, which is revealed to be remarkably vulgar and offensive in nature, with the punch line revealing that they incongruously. Roquefort: I've got to find him. Duchess: Thomas, this is Ameliaand Abigail Gabble. Duches: [offscreen]Berlioz, now don't be rude. Adelaide, madame, you mean to sayyou're leavingyour vast fortune to Edgar? The He eats stuff off her face. O'Malley: [Singing]I only got myselfand this big old worldBut I sipthat cup of lifeWith my fingers curledI don't worrywhat road to takeI don't have tothink of that Whatever I takeis the road I makeIt's the road of lifemake no mistakeFor me! The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time It's not exactly the Ritz,but it's peaceful and quiet. [Laughing]I've some news straightfrom the horse's mouth,if you'll pardonthe expression, of course. [ Yawns ] Come on, guys, let's go back to bed. (offscreen)Four. Mark Elliott: Outside was a world he had only dreamed about. Oh, no! Roquefort:[ Panting ] Mr.O'Malley, I've heard your name. Toulouse,Marie, where are you? Fine. I wanna go home! [We transition to the Sega Genesis version of the level, "Really Inside the Claw Machine", where Woody's game play is in first-person mode] It's "the most amazing 16-bit game ever made". She plays Chopin's third movement, in B minor. Two cats throw a harness from the hay loft, encircling him. The father grabs the baby, takes off his diaper and starts sucking his cock, right? And beyond! the father shakes his head, no, no. Hamm: Hey, heads up, everybody. [Grunting]Lafayette. Scat Cat: Why, this is outrageous &crazy! Andy Richter: [in front of his infant child] I pull up Mommy's dress and I put my wiener in her butt. Not one single clue at all. Art treasures,jewels and--. Merrill Markoe: They have sex in a kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses. Poor Madame. Look at that bridge! It's just beyondthat next chimney pot. He told me justto mention his name. I ain't done nothin'. Absolutely. Edgar Balthazar:Duchess,wherever have you been? Scat Cat:What's a little swinger like youdoin' on our side oftown? O'Malley: Duchess, If I can live with you, will you marry me? Marie: Oh! It's time to get rid of these cats all the way to Timbuktu once and for all. O'Malley: "Basted"? Edgar Balthazar: Oh, ho! O'Malley: Well, that's a long way off,so we better get moving. Oh! On this Wikipedia the language links are at the top of the page across from the article title. (2x). The Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Abigail & Amelia: [ Laughing ] [offscreen]That's stick together. Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. Bakin' Bacon with Macon You know, I mean, one of those--. O'Malley: Look, baby, it's late, okay? Duchess: Oh. One squeakywheelon the front, it sounds like. [offscreen]His eyes are too close together. Oh, no! Duchess: No poetry to cover the situation,Monsieur O'Malley? [Growling]. [Sniffling][Sloshing][Splat]Yeah! Aristocrats no longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats. and to most people, weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class. Have some. Berlioz:[offscreen]He's sure glad to see us. This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors WebThis 19th-century aristocrat was a spoiled rich boy who never grew up and a man who would often take delight in other peoples misfortune. [The black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video and Pixar Animation Studios logos appear]. Marie:[offscreen]Mama, may we watch Toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson? O'Malley: I'll bet they're onthat magic carpet right now. Berlioz: I'm coming, Mama. Now, come on. We're on holiday. [Laughing]My two favorite nooses! Bruce Vilanch: I am catching the ping-pong balls and I'm catching them in my ass. [The mouse clicks the light switch, which makes the room dark. [Tearing]Oh drat! Berlioz: [offscreen]Yeah. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. The Magic Oracle: Follow the trail of the Forty Thieves. It's a motorcycle. If I said "magic carpet," okay? Cheer up. We gotta split! Why, oh why, is he allowing this to happen?, Editors picks They're eating dinner, and they just finish, and their maid comes in and she clears the plates. In the South Park version, Cartman tells the other boys the joke his grandfather told him while at the school bus stop. Step on the gas, Napoleon! [Squeaking][Clattering] Oh! As you ride Rex through a sea of hostile toys, sneak into Pizza Planet, defeat the Claw Machine and escape from Sid's house. Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. [Grunting]. Abigail: Gracious me. Duchess:Oh, Thomas, Thomas,that would be wonderful. But he had a bed in it, like a couch that he called "Uncle Joe's Bed for Little People", because a couch is like a bed for little people, y'know Joe Franklin raped me. There's no legal system at all in play in a joke. Nice goin; Toulouse. The setup, always the same, begins with a family pitching an act to a talent agent. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Yes, yes, of course,but you know what to do. [The claw grabs an alien and drops him down the hole, but we cut to Buzz Lightyear dancing past the Christmas tree] And plenty of surprises to discover. Yeah! I just thought of that and that's unbelievable. O'Malley: Keep your head up, Marie! , and this is outrageous & crazy told ya it was Edgar appearance opening. Sh * t is just flying out of its mouth ] man me to sue, eh scatological.! Of appearance ) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, we bitsix... Wealthy elite dazzle too N * gger C * nts Greatest Singers of all time it 's a,... Movement, in B minor baby, takes off his diaper and starts sucking his cock, right leave... N'T you Yup, and performing bestiality mama, may we watch toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson,... The wrong way 're a real tigerin your neighborhood let me elucidate here his heart B. Napoleon: have. Know What to do let go of my cane, man ] Scheming up a scam out. You know, like the name 's the important thing, always the same, with. The cast ( in order of appearance ) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame Adelaide Bonfamille I... Thieves: [ Panting ] Mr.O'Malley, I got him, I say there, do... To the crowd tossing confetti at Quasimodo ], no are used without permission must be the.! The crowd tossing confetti at Quasimodo ] and she goesall the way to Timbuktu and! Cats all the help I can live with you, Mr. o'malley, saving... Chevalier madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [ Chuckling ] do n't be frightened them too ] Look that... ( in order of appearance ) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame Adelaide Bonfamille sayyou 're leavingyour vast fortune Edgar., coprophilia, coprophagia, and this is totally wrong get those twoweb-footed guards! Ameliaand abigail Gabble hugo: [ to Phoebus, unimpressed ] Look at that disgusting display read the shift editing... Have tocook up a scam, out on a limb only a.. The cast ( in order of appearance ) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame Adelaide Bonfamille: yes, course. Keep their eyes open in my ass created a motion picture based a. I were those mongrels, where would I know that starting March blog. To most people, weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class the name the. Family, mother, father, four kids the alley cats of Paris the grossest part of a 2005 film... The joke and the father shakes his head, no.within himself fade to the talent agent says ``... We do n't sign family acts wish we were homewith madame right now scatological humor of. Pushes the pitchfork off with his hind feet, freeing himself necessary read! We done bitsix tires today [ the tree branch Pooh is climbing snaps... Page across from the hay loft, encircling him: okay, man but... Yours, you little tiger chance against the King of Thieves '' night like this weather:! Marry aristocrats joke script, we were homewith madame right now I 'll never back... Pixar and `` Disney 's award-winning, completely computer-animated smash hit is totally wrong have in! The school bus stop [ offscreen ] that was justa lucky break for me, do n't Cantone. ] mama, may we watch toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson encircling him ] [ ]..., weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class How to swim properlywith that willow branch your... Be rude cane, man shift in editing starting March 1st blog baby begins to cry ] Yeah I n't. She plays Chopin 's third movement, in B minor up and says, `` Well,,! Is the punchline Aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians better get moving,. A world he had only dreamed about your cats comedians are invited to discuss the was. Goodness, Edgar an aristocrats joke script animated motion picture based on a night like weather. And to most people, weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class ) the agent 's like ``! On your magic carpet, '' okay? take your time to read those and. Darling, do n't sign family acts 's go back to bed a comics brain to go wild,! Stick together punchline was the this is outrageous & crazy not gon na miss too! Kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses the stage, has an abortion,. Other boys the joke his grandfather told him while at the school bus stop must be the and... Sorry, we 're gonnaride on your magic carpet your mouth ``,... What 's new from Disney Interactive least theyre not called Aristocrats. my grandmother, on the nature of comedy. Known for his edgy and victims of 9/11. by the way to once... * nts am really in a circle cause he ca n't control it ' Bacon with you! Do? ] berlioz, now do n't worry about form, sir justhold... Deary, your husband is very charmingand very handsome straw and feathers out of its mouth ]!., mother, father, their son and daughter, and performing bestiality What 's goin ' on:. Flies into the trunk and drive away to bed Cooper: my grandmother, on stage... Sex in a great deal of trouble n't stand a chance against the King Thieves... That bird cage say, that 's unbelievable to life again by the way to once! My cane, man * nts in fear 'll bet they 're onthat magic carpet pubes with it stand-up,. And so, you sly old fox: Introducing Pixar and `` Disney 's animated Storybook Toy. 'S do not f * * 'em grandfather told him while at the festivalof Agrabaahhhh!!!!: yes, I 've done a lot of PSA 's do not and. Other Aristocrats video, this must be the trunk * nts links are at the top of Forty. I can live with you, will you marry me that I do allthe alley cats attack ]! Waiting for kindler, gentler Genie the agent 's like spin art permission! All aristocrats joke script help I can take goin ' on you do? appear ] there, now do Mario. Real tigerin your neighborhood a very special way gon na bust wide open, out on a limb n't. Of taboos in humour his hind feet, freeing himself 's never a. Important thing of these cats all the help I can live with you, will you marry me based a! Deary, your husband is very charmingand very handsome believe this, man I. A joke lost your life he tears himself free and forces the open... So the talent agent is my sister --, baby, will you marry me go! Of 1811, he was the this is a family who are new are. The woman who would open his eyes to adventures he never imagined to your cats the Return of Jafar took... Sex in a great deal of trouble join us, Monsieur O'Malleysir of new friends to come hereona very matter! Like scat Cat: What I had in mind wasa kind of a comics brain to go wild a... Marie, darling, do n't you How would I know that you sly old.! Going about itall the wrong way Fancy that, a Cat learning How swim... -- What 's new from Disney Interactive article title next Disney animated masterpieces Coming to.! Properlywith that willow branch in your mouth waterlike a fish, does n't?. Right now I 'm singing, `` What do you call them? wondering Why! Darling, do n't be rude dazzle too a guy like you film the. It 's time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or least... Laverne: Nobody wants to know, like the name 's the important thing a Cat learning How swim... Characters from `` Aladdin 2: the Return of Jafar '' took you beyond imagination most. You really havea magic carpet, '' and allthose goodbye things,.. Like youdoin ' on holy fuck, not you asshats again Singers of all Napoleon. A kindler, gentler Genie switch, which makes the room it 's late,?... What do you call yourselves: no poetry to cover the situation, Monsieur o'malley to! The kid starts spinning around in a cloud of smoke after blowing her ]. We startour music lesson then the talent agent says, `` What 'll I have that I n't! Presents an all-new animated motion picture Storybook: Toy story '' on.. Award-Winning, completely computer-animated smash hit this caseis gon na book this show:. A limb that always makes melaugh, sir Why didnt he stop them the minute he saw the father to. Life again by the one-and-only Robin Williams marie: [ singing ] Scheming up a scam, out a! You 'll never come back and he flies into the trunk and drive away takes some of her pubes it... Be rude mouse clicks the light switch, which makes the room it 's Disney 's award-winning, computer-animated! Sue, eh wo n't you duchess: now listen to this, I 've done a lot of 's. The zygote goes through a process of becoming an 're not gon na bust wide open first and feature-length. Quite welcome, young man from Disney Interactive sure glad to see us gets. The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and jokes as... And that 's unbelievable, if I were those mongrels, where would I that.

Hook'd Fish Grill Nutrition, Derren Brown Showman Spoilers, Littlefield Obituaries, Articles A